I just watched Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead. Hilarious hilarious movie. Very modern drama, theater of the absurd stuff. Very Tom Stoppard, really. I liked it a lot.

Plus, Gary Oldman is in it, and we all know how much I like him. It was great. He was Rosencrantz (though they were never really sure which of them was which) and he kept making really cool little things like paper airplanes and spinning apple things. And Guildenstern would pay no attention at all, or would look when the thing broke.

The whole play was really funny because they had pretty much no idea what was going on at all. Until the end, of course, when they die. That was not so funny. It was very amusing though.

Here are some hilarious quotes that I just have to share with you.

The Player: We're actors! We're the opposite of people!

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The Player: For a handful of coin I happen to have a private and uncut performance of "The Rape of the Sabine Women," or rather woman, or rather Alfred, and for eight you can participate.

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Rosencrantz: Life in a box is better than no life at all, I expect. You'd have a chance, at least. You could lie there thinking, "Well. At least I'm not dead. In a minute somebody is going to bang on the lid, and tell me to come out."
[bangs on lid]
Rosencrantz: "Hey you! What's your name? Come out of there!"
Guildenstern: [long pause] I think I'm going to kill you.


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Rosencrantz: Do you think Death could possibly be a boat?
Guildenstern: No, no, no... Death is "not." Death isn't. Take my meaning? Death is the ultimate negative. Not-being. You can't not be on a boat.
Rosencrantz: I've frequently not been on boats.
Guildenstern: No, no... What you've been is not on boats.

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Rosencrantz: I don't believe in it anyway.
Guildenstern: What?
Rosencrantz: England.
Guildenstern: Just a conspiracy of cartographers, then?

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Guildenstern: We're still finding our feet.
The Player: I should concentrate on not losing your head.

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Guildenstern: He's never known anything like it! But then, he has never known anything to write home about, so this is nothing to write home about.

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Guildenstern: What's the first thing you remember?
Rosencrantz: [thinks] No, it's no good. It was a long time ago.
Guildenstern: No, you don't take my meaning. What's the first thing you remember after all the things you've forgotten?
Rosencrantz: Oh, I see... I've forgotten the question.

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Guildenstern: Rosencrantz?
Rosencrantz: What?
Guildenstern: Guildenstern?
Rosencrantz: What?
Guildenstern: Don't you discriminate at ALL?

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The Player: The old man thinks he's in love with his daughter.
Rosencrantz: Good God. We're out of our depths here.
The Player: No, no, no! He hasn't got a daughter! The old man thinks he's in love with his daughter.
Rosencrantz: The old man is?
The Player: Hamlet... in love... with the old man's daughter... the old man... thinks.
Rosencrantz: Ah.

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Guildenstern: Is that you?
Rosencrantz: I don't know.
Guildenstern: [in disgust] It's you.

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The Player: We can do rapiers... or rape... or both!

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Guildenstern: Hamlet's transformation - what do you recollect?
Rosencrantz: [pause] Well, he's changed, isn't he?

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Rosencrantz: [holds up a feather and a wooden ball] Look at this. You would think this would fall faster than this.
[drops them. ball hits the ground first]
Rosencrantz: And you would be absolutely right.

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Rosencrantz: To sum up: your father, whom you love, dies. You are his heir. You come back to find that hardly was the corpse cold before his young brother pops onto his throne and into his sheets, thereby offending both legal and natural practice. Now... why exactly are you behaving in this extraordinary manner?
Guildenstern: I can't imagine.

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Rosencrantz: [flips coin which lands as 'heads'] 78 in a row. A new record, I imagine.
Guildenstern: Is that what you imagine? A new record?
Rosencrantz: Well -
Guildenstern: No questions? Not a flicker of doubt?
Rosencrantz: I could be wrong.

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Guildenstern: Why can't you ever say anything original? Why do you always just repeat everything? I'm sick of making the running all the time!
Rosencrantz: I can't think of anything original! I'm only good in support.
[Rosencrantz begins to cry - Guildenstern puts an arm round him]
Guildenstern: It's all right, I'll see we're all right.

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